she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
tell me about the eggs
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