Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
