I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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