you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
