What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
