Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize