i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
