And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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