I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Randomize
