I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
