you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
