He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
