i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
as a side note pls kill me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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