I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
