Your face is a jimmy john
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
