so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
