I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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