i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This baby is an asshole
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
