I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
