2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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