I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
