If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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