there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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