By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
