I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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