our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
