My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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