I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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