So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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