FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
