i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
