We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
