I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
