Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
