can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
