I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
