Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
