and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
