We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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