Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
