Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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