there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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