That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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