i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
