I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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