Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
