Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
