I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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