His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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