Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
