you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
