After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
