I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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