Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
