So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
