hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
