I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
