I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
