im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize