i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
