I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize