I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
