I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
