Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
