I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the condom got lost in my hair
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
