the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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