kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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