if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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