Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
