if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
