sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
