just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize