the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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