My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize