It's Friday. Sex?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
