Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
