You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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