Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
