Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
