What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
